I remember knowing at a young age that my family was different that most of the families of friends at school. I didn't know why at the time, all I knew is that my friends' families looked like the families on TV and in the movies, whereas my family was different. We ate rice at every meal and had family "get togethers" that consisted of tons of food and lots of "uncles" and "aunties." I remember that my Grandma and Grandpa lived with us and we took care of each other. The house was always really, really loud. There were always people coming by to stay an hour, or a few months. Growing up, I lived with dad's family, mom's family, cousins, friends, "aunts" and "uncles" from the Philippines. The "traditional" family dinner - where mom, dad, and children sit at a table and talk about their days at work and school - were as foreign to me as, well, other stuff that friends' families engaged in daily. Our dinners involved grabbing a plate, finding a place to sit (if you were fast enough to get a chair) and after the meal, running and playing with cousins. It wasn't until middle school that I realized that not everyone rolled like my family.
When my high school years came around, all I wanted was to fit in and be like my friends. I didn't understand why it was so different.
Now as an adult, I understand.
I just returned from a 4 day trip with mom, dad, and sissy for a very bitter sweet family reunion in Hawaii. Uncle Sam, dad's brother, passed away in Alaska this month and his wife, seven children and their families decided that the most appropriate resting place would be the place they considered home. So, we all dropped the daily things (work, responsibilities, commitments, projects, etc.) and hopped on an airplane to be with our family.
For four days, my nuclear family and I engaged in too much eating, not enough sleeping, some crying, and belly busting laughter. And, it was a reminder of the lessons that I think I've known and learned though the most non traditional means: Family is first. I missed my husband. I missed my children. I even missed my students and some close friends. But I have grown to better understand what my world is really about and what matters most. A grown up "time out" to focus on family that I only see in times of emergency has given me a more clear path of where I am going with my own family.
Cousin Tom read the eulogy at Uncle's funeral. There was a tiny mention of what Uncle did for work and a bit on where he was born. But the overlaying theme revolved around FAMILY. Love for his family. Taking care of his family. What he did to, with and for his family throughout his lifetime. When he got sick, it was family that took care of him. Family that brought him peace. And when he passed, it was family that washed his body and shaved his face. It was family that laughed through tear filled eyes about the memories that had created together throughout the years. And it was family that joined together to remember a man that loved his family more than anything else.
So, it has been more than a week since I've graded papers or cleared off the top of my desk at school. I briefly opened my work email, only to see 50+ emails and log right back off. I have a luggage full of laundry for this weekend, and I better be quick in intercepting the credit card statements before hubby in the next few days. ( There was a Louis Vuitton store next to the hotel.) But in the big scheme of things, none of that really matters.
I want my children to learn that family matters most. Of course clean clothing is important and eating healthy meals (including the vegetables) are healthy choices. But at my 11th hour, I want someone to remember me for the mother, wife, friend I am today. And the person that I want to be for my children. I want to be remembered for the things I did with, to and for my family. I want the boys to learn about life by running around with their cousins and eating dinner together...if they are fast enough to get a seat at the table. I want family to be the theme.
Just like Uncle Sam.
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